A Note of Gratitude to My Mother on My 50th Birthday
It is hard to imagine that my mother died almost 17 years ago. I am still trying to wrap my head around the reality of her no longer here with my siblings and me. Although I think about my mother daily, I find myself thinking about her even more during the weeks and days leading to my fiftieth birthday. When I finally turned 50 on January 2, 2025. I thought about how beautiful it would have been for her to still be dwelling on this earth, alive and healthy. Her presence would have been the ultimate birthday gift and celebration for me. I missed her voice. I miss her words of encouragement. I miss her words of affirmation and reaffirmation. I miss her prayers. But most importantly, I miss her.
My mother was a very remarkable woman. She embodied the personification of grace throughout her life… and especially during trials and tribulations. She was a perpetual optimist who believed in the possibilities of humanity in every being.
Despite her failing health, she prayed, fasted and asked God, the same God who refused to heal and nurture her back to good health, to watch over her children.
She centered and prioritized the need, the comfort, the goals, the dreams, and the happiness of my siblings and me over her very own. Her sacrifice, for us, lasted her entire lifetime. We were still her main concern as cancer was eating her life. She wanted to make sure that we were going to be okay. Despite her failing health, she prayed, fasted and asked God, the same God who refused to heal and nurture her back to good health, to watch over her children. And even when the end was near, she still believed in that same God, and was still praying to him to protect and guide my siblings and me through life. That was my mom. That was the kindhearted and loving mother who gave me life. That’s the woman I miss every day and missed the most today on my birthday.
If my mom was here today, it wouldn’t have mattered if she was here at the house with me, in the US, or at her house in London, her voice would have been the very first voice, I heard, at 12 AM, wishing me happy birthday and praying for me. But I am very thankful as I continue to revere and remember the memories of her celebrating my 33rd birthday with me. She came to the US, for the last time, in December 2007. My brother Cos was living in Pennsylvania at the time. The plan was for mom to divide her stay between my brother and me. But she made it clear that she wanted to celebrate New Year’s Day, January 1, 2008, with me in New Jersey.
I woke up on Wednesday, January 2, 2008, I walked into the living room and saw my mom, standing there, in the middle of the room, with a bowl of water in her hand. She told me to get on my knees, she walked closer to me, with the bowl of water in her left hand… she placed her right hand on my head and begin to pray for me. She wished me happy birthday with her unique and nurturing smile, when she finished praying. She gave the bowl of water to me, told me to go shower and pour the water on my head. See, my mother believed in the power of affirmation and the strength of speaking positivity into existence. This is why I cherished the blessings of her prayers and the words of pronouncement she poured into me on that day, on my 33rd birthday, in the living room, in New Jersey, then, and today on my 50th birthday. I will continue to cherish them for the rest of my life.
Although her life was cut short due to a horrible disease, but she lived a magnanimous, incredible and regal life. She was beautiful. She was generous. She was compassionate. She loved people. She loved life. She loved her family. She valued her family. She loved my siblings and me. She was one of a kind. She was my mother, Margaret.
Your prayers and affirmations continue to echo in my ears. Though part of my heart aches because you are no longer with us. But the rest is filled with the amazing memories of you, of my siblings and me… of all of us, of our beautiful lives together.
Your words, prayers and love continue to comfort me and strengthen me, daily. May your soul continue to rest eternally in paradise, in the company of our ancestors, Ma.
I love you, and I thank you for everything.
jay